03年2月The Surprising Truth About Introverts (& What the Rest of Us Can Learn About Connecting)
“All personality traits have their good side and their bad side. But for a long time, we’ve seen introversion only through its negative side and extroversion mostly through its positive side.” – Susan Cain
And given that next week 1200+ people in 102 cities and 65 countries around the globe are meeting up and connecting at ourLive Your Legend World Party, it got us thinking about one of the biggest myths when it comes to connecting.
- Being extroverted = high connecting ability
Because after all, some of the most successful people we know are self-proclaimed introverts and have created incredible businesses and lives because they leaned into their powerful introverted traits, people like:
- Jonathan Fields – Good Life Project
- 狮子座巴巴杜塔 - 禅习惯
- 克里斯•吉尔博- 100美元启动世界受nation Summit
- J.K Rowling – Creator of Harry Potter
- Derek Sivers – Founder of CD Baby
- Bill Gates – Co-Founder of Microsoft
Busting The Introvert Myth
“The most important things in life are the connections you make with others.” – Tom Ford
与任何行为偏好一样，内向/外向的是一个频谱，我们都有能力沿着该线的任何地方落下。因此，无论您是否识别作为内向，外向或其他方式，它只是反映了您的行为偏好是什么。Your real power comes from being able to get off your default mode, and start to gain flexibility across the entire spectrum. Why? Because it will make connecting much easier and more impactful.
You see, it drives us crazy when we hear some version of:“哦，我是一个内向的，所以在人群面前/与新的人/社交/社交/是一个商业的”脸“/运行自己的企业/等。不适合我“。
- your ability to connect
- speaking up
- whether people listen to you
- to be a leader…and the list goes on.
Using introversion (or extroversion) as a reason why you can’t do something is simply a big, fat excuse to keep you safe, to let you play small, and to get you ‘off the hook’ from fulfilling your true potential.
Because the truth is: having access to introverted qualities is actually an incredibly powerful asset, especially when it comes to connecting (which we’ll get to shortly) and they are traits that all of us can practice and become skilled in.
Scott Dinsmore，Live Carmend18bet188最新地址8金宝搏提款的创始人是一个展示了对促进倾向的良好偏好的人的一个很好的例子。但是，这不是我们所知道的最好的连接器之一。他能够与大家联系的原因之一是因为他花了时间练习内向体现的特质 - 这些特质成为他的一些超级大国。
The #1 Question You Should Be Asking Yourself
So if introversion and extroversion have nothing to do with confidence, shyness, connection skills ,etc… how do you know where you sit on the spectrum?Note: Many of you may already understand what it means to be extroverted or introverted and how it’s actually measured, but we highly recommend reading on and also taking the free test below to see where you currently sit on the spectrum and if that has shifted at all.
At its most simplistic level, there is just one question you need to ask yourself to figure it out:
How do I refuel my energy?
“：伏身方面”之间的初步和促进（和'）主要由你决定refuelyour energy or how you recharge your batteries.
And as the image below shows, like everything, introvert/extravert is a scale, a spectrum and a behavioural preference, not a fixed way of being.
- Do you feel energized and alive during and after interacting with people? Then you are likely an extrovert.
- Do you feel drained during and after interacting with people? Then you are likely an introvert.
- Are you somewhere in between? Do you have a tipping point? Do you get energized to a point and then tip into being drained? Then you are likely an Ambivert.
If you’re still unsure, Susan Cain from Quiet Revolution has a fantastic (and free) 10 Question Survey这里. Don’t take our word for it! Take the test!
“内向的对话就像爵士乐一样。每个玩家都可以在其他球员进来并做他的独奏之前独奏。“- Laurie Helgoe.
So now that you’ve figured out whether you have the behavioural preferences of an introvert, extrovert or ambivert we want to be clear that wherever you sit on the scale, there are things we can learn from each other. Each part of the spectrum has its strengths and weaknesses.
But today we want to focus on one of the most powerful connecting characteristics out there that just happens to be possessed naturally by most introverts and that all of us can practice. It让您可以随身携带的联系深度差异：
The ability to powerfully listen and to hear others.
Sexy, isn’t it?!
我想我们有人有人谈论atyou. How connected did you feel to that person as they finished talking all about themselves only to swan off to the next person?Exactly!
It’s easy to watch people go crazy at an event, telling their story and meeting tons of new people but what those people often forget to do is actually listen to the other people. It sounds so simple, but if you don’t take the time to hear someone’s story and get interested in what their life is about you simply cannot have a real connection. A mostly one-way relationship is most definitely not the best way!
And this is where introverts have the upper hand. They have the power to:
- learn from what they hear (because they are actually listening!)
So how do the rest of us take this connection power tool and put it into practice?
Charlotte Hosier, LYL community member and graduate of the与任何人联系course, is an amazing example of someone who, despite being a self-proclaimed introvert, uses her natural listening skills to help others unlock stories of what matters to them.
Not to mention that in 2014 she faced her fears and hosted a workshop around uncertainty, moved from London to San Francisco for 3 months, and in October 2015 pushed herself even further by hitting the streets with a sign asking random strangers ‘What matters to you?’
她隐身的倾听能力深深帮助她的受访者开放，她的内向的“连接小点”的质量意味着她可以编制简洁videoof all the answers, which she published last October in honor of Scott.
Not only does this demonstrate to the other person you are actually listening and encourages them to go deeper, it creates one of the most powerful human experiences of all:being heard.
So let’s get into the details of how you too can implement this connection tool with a ‘What to do’ and a ‘What not to do’ list:
What to do:
- 重复：After they’ve finished sharing, repeat back what you just heard by saying something like‘Wow, so you work full-time but what you’re really interested in in writing children’s fiction stories. Amazing!’(Hint: Simply by using words like'哇！'or‘That’s amazing!’will encourage the other person to continue – but only & always be genuine with these words and comments).
- Clarify: Get curious about them by asking clarifying questions like:‘So what you’re telling me is that you spent 3 years building up the project that you just launched, is that right?’ ‘What’s that been like for you? How did that make you feel? What do you mean by ‘xyz’?’
What NOT to do:
- 不要虚伪的——如果你不找一个s story very interesting, that’s ok. Don’t fake it. You can simply say, “Thank you for sharing with me.” Or you can always find a way to be more compassionate (thinking less about you, more about them) and the story will likely become more interesting.
- Resist the urge to look around the room for someone more ‘interesting.’ We can almost guarantee that the other person notices.
- Don’t interrupt or share how this reminds you of a similar story from your life – it hijacks the conversation, which can be highly irritating!
The first step to any sort of growth or personal evolution is awareness that you can and want to grow – and in that, you are recognizing that you need to learn from others! And that’s why it is so powerful to highlight that everyone has something to offer, no matter what stereotype society places on someone or something.
No matter where you fall on the spectrum, you can learn from those opposite of you – when you go into your connections and conversations with that mindset, and you’ll be amazed by how differently you start to hear others. Try it out today!
Let us know in the comments below –where do you fall on the spectrum and how would如果您开放从您的对面学习，您将受益？
And for those of us that don’t find that this style of connecting comes naturally, remember that it takes practice. The only skills that are mastered are the ones repeated over and over again!
– Leah, Naz & the LYL Team
P.S.If all this connecting talk scares the hell out of you, then now is the perfect time to test this out in a safe environment!别忘了下周加入我们Live Your Legend World Partyon February 9th…woo hoo!!!